The Things We Never Say Book Club Questions & Discussion Guide

About this book

Artie Dam is an ordinary schoolteacher in Massachusetts with an outwardly comfortable life, and a quiet, private undertow of isolation and despair. In her spare, unadorned way, Elizabeth Strout traces the gap between the face Artie shows the world and the truth he keeps hidden, and the small human moments that can still break through. Understated and quietly devastating, it is a novel about loneliness, connection, and the things we never manage to say.

Discussion questions

1. Artie Dam seems, from the outside, to have an ordinary and comfortable life. What was your first impression of him, and when did you begin to sense the isolation underneath?
2. Strout works in a spare, quiet register rather than big dramatic turns. If that stillness ever tested you, what kept you reading?
3. The novel lives in the gap between the face Artie shows the world and what he actually feels. What did that gap reveal about him, and did you recognize it?
4. Much of the book is about what goes unsaid between people. Where did you most feel the cost of those silences, and could things have gone differently?
5. The title points to the things we never manage to say. What did the book ultimately suggest about loneliness, connection, and why the words stay stuck?
6. Strout is known for finding depth in small, ordinary moments. Which quiet moment landed hardest for you, and how did her understatement make it hit?
7. The ordinary Massachusetts world of the novel is deliberately unremarkable. How did that everydayness make Artie's inner life feel more, or less, universal?
8. Did this remind you of another quiet novel about an ordinary life and its hidden depths, or of someone you have known who seemed fine on the surface?
9. The book is gentle about how much people carry without saying. Did it make you think about the things that go unspoken in your own life, and did anyone at the table see it differently?
10. Who would you hand this to next, the reader who loves a quiet, deeply felt character study or a Strout newcomer, and who might want more plot than this offers?

Themes to listen for

• Loneliness beneath an ordinary life
• The things we never manage to say
• The gap between the self we show and the self we hide
• Connection and its near-misses
• Depth in the small and everyday

If your club liked this, try…

• Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout
• Crossroads by Jonathan Franzen
• Small Things Like These by Claire Keegan
• Anxious People by Fredrik Backman

Where to get it

• Check availability at your local library
• Find it on Bookshop.org
• Listen on Libro.fm

Practical notes

Best for clubs that love a quiet, deeply felt literary novel and do not need a lot of plot. A short, immersive read.

Content notes: Isolation and despair; a tender but heavy read.