My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She's Sorry Book Club Questions & Discussion Guide

About this book

Seven-year-old Elsa's fiercely loved grandmother is wild, embarrassing, and the best friend she has. When Granny dies, she leaves behind a series of letters asking forgiveness of people from her past, sending Elsa on a treasure hunt through their apartment building that turns its neighbors from strangers into a story. Blending the fairy tales Granny told with the real, hidden lives behind each door, it is a warm and whimsical novel about grief, forgiveness, and the depths inside ordinary people.

Discussion questions

1. Elsa is a precocious seven-year-old who sees the world differently from the adults around her. What was your first impression of her voice, and how did seeing this story through a child's eyes shape it?
2. The book weaves real life together with the fairy tales Elsa's granny told her. If the fairy-tale layer ever slowed you, what pulled you back, Elsa, the neighbors, or the mystery of the letters?
3. Granny is wild, rule-breaking, and adored, and her absence drives the whole book. What did the letters and the treasure hunt reveal about who she really was, beyond how Elsa saw her?
4. The letters ask forgiveness from people Granny wronged long ago. Where did you land on the idea that even the people we love best have done real harm, and can be forgiven anyway?
5. The book is about storytelling as a way to make sense of grief and to see the hidden depths in other people. What did it ultimately say about the stories we tell, and why we need them?
6. Backman lets the fairy-tale land of Miamas bleed into the real apartment building and its residents. How did that blending of fantasy and reality shape your reading, and did it work for you?
7. The apartment building turns out to be full of neighbors with hidden histories. How did watching Elsa discover the real people behind the doors change the way you saw the place?
8. Did this remind you of another story where a child navigates grief, or where fairy tales carry real weight, in a book, a film, or your own childhood?
9. Granny taught Elsa to look for the story inside every person. Did the book make you think about a relative whose full story you only understood later, and did anyone at the table share one?
10. Who would you hand this to next, the reader who loves whimsy with real feeling or someone drawn to stories about grief and family, and who might find it too fanciful?

Themes to listen for

• Grief seen through a child's eyes
• Storytelling as a way to understand the world
• The hidden depths of the people around us
• Forgiveness for the ones we love
• Found family and imagination

If your club liked this, try…

• A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman
• The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin
• The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman
• Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer

Where to get it

• Check availability at your local library
• Find it on Bookshop.org
• Listen on Libro.fm

Practical notes

Best for clubs that enjoy whimsy layered over real emotion. Reading Britt-Marie Was Here afterward continues one neighbor's story.

Content notes: Grief, illness, and some darker backstories among the neighbors.